Tag Archives: raj

Big Bang Theory Quote of the Week!

This week’s quote is from the legendary episode The Pants Alternative: a real cracker of an episode. You can probably guess from the episode title why. Also in the episode, we see Sheldon look astonishingly smart in a suit, turn a psychotherapy session with Leonard around, and ruin a perfectly good meditation lesson with Raj…

Raj: Okay, Sheldon. I’m going to be leading you through a series of meditation exercises. These methods come from the ancient gurus of India and have helped me overcome my own fears.

Sheldon: And yet, you can’t speak to women.

Raj: True, but thanks to meditation, I am able to stay in the same room with them without urinating. Now, close your eyes.

Sheldon: Okay, but don’t punch me.

Raj: What?

Sheldon: When I was little, my sister would say to me, “Close your eyes, you’ll get a surprise.” And then she’d punch me.

Raj: I’m not going to punch you.

Sheldon: That’s what my sister used to say.

Raj: Do you want to do this or not?

Sheldon: I’m sorry. Proceed.

Raj: All right. Imagine yourself in the one place you feel most at home. Where is that?

Sheldon: Sim City. More specifically, the Sim City I designed: Sheldonopolis.

Raj: Okay, you’re in Sheldonopolis.

Sheldon: Where exactly? Sheldon Square? Sheldon Towers? Sheldon Stadium, home of the Fighting Sheldons?

Raj: Whatever you like.

Sheldon: I thought this was supposed to be a guided meditation.

Raj: Fine. You’re in Sheldon Square.

Sheldon: Really? This time of year? It’s a bit nippy.

Raj: Then, put on a sweater.

Sheldon: I suppose I could run downtown and pick up something at Shel-Mart.

Raj: Yeah, whatever. Just go buy a sweater.

Sheldon: You know, the nice thing about Shel-Mart is I own it, so I get a 15% discount.

Raj: You own the damn thing. Just take a freaking sweater!

Sheldon: Look, I didn’t turn a profit last quarter by taking products off the shelves willy-nilly!

Raj: All right. You’ve paid for a sweater, and you’re in Sheldon Square.

Sheldon: Hang on. (He does up invisible buttons down his t-shirt.) It’s a cardigan. I have to button it…Oh no!

Raj: What now?

Sheldon: A Godzilla-like monster is approaching the city. I have to get my people to safety. PEOPLE OF SHELDONOPOLIS! THIS IS YOUR MAYOR! FOLLOW ME! IF THE CHILDREN CAN’T RUN, LEAVE THEM BEHIND! Oh, the simulated horror! (Sound of door slamming) …Raj?……Just as I suspected. Meditation is nothing but hokum.

Live long and prosper! 😀

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Big Bang Theory Quote of the Week!

A truly memorable scene, with plenty of quotes for Big Bang Theory fans to feast on. Enjoy!

Howard: C’mon! At the very least, when she [Penny] found out Leonard was upset about it, she should’ve backed off.

Raj: (angrily) You mean like when a guy’s upset because his friend agreed to take a cooking class with him and then doesn’t show up because he’s doing a juice fast with his mother?

Howard: I didn’t know you were upset about that.

Raj: Really! Did you miss all the subtle indicators, like me saying, “Howard, I am upset!”

Howard: Okay, sorry.

Raj: Maybe it means something different in this country. Back in India, it means you’re upset with a guy named Howard!

Howard: I said I’m sorry.

Raj: Sorry doesn’t make up for the fact that I had to make chicken and rice with this vegan guy. Do you know what vegan chicken and rice is? Rice!

Howard: Yeah, well, you think I was having fun, sitting around all night listening to my mother say, “Have you ever peed so much in your life?”

*Sheldon’s face starts to twitch.*

Raj: Oh my God! You are such a mama’s boy!

Howard: Hey, don’t bring my mother into this!

Raj: You brought your mother into this!

Sheldon: (whirls round and screams) Stop it, both of you! All this fighting, I might as well be back with my parents! “Damnit, George, I told you if you didn’t quit drinkin’ I’d leave you!”“Well, I guess that makes you a liar, ’cause I’m drunk as hell and you’re still here!” “Stop yelling! You’re making Sheldon cry!”“Oh, I’ll tell you what’s making Sheldon cry! That I let you name him Sheldon!”(He runs out of the comic book store.)

Howard: Boy, what got him so upset?

Raj: (angrily) Oh, sure, you can tell when Sheldon’s upset.

Live long and prosper! 😀

Big Bang Theory Quote of the Week!

It was my birthday on Monday, so I decided to do a birthday-themed Big Bang Theory quote! I think you know which episode I’m referring to. I’ll give you a hint: it introduces trestling — a game of truly epic geeky proportions where you combine the physical strength of arm wrestling with the mental strength of Tetris.

No? How about this: “Which hard drive do I want? USB or Firewire?” “It depends on what buss you have.” “I–I drive a Chevy Cavalier.” “Oh, dear lord. Now, what computer do you have? And please don’t say a white one!”

Still no? Alright, I’ll give you the quote. Enjoy!

Howard(into phone): Penny, look, I’ve got a problem.

Penny(with Sheldon in background at the head of a large queue of customers): Yeah, well so do I. Look, you’ve got to stall Leonard a little longer.

Howard: I don’t think I can.

Penny: You have to, we all have to be there at the same time to yell “surprise!”

Howard: Okay, you have to understand something, we’re in a hospital right now.

Penny: Why, is Leonard okay?

Howard: Leonard’s fine. I’m fine, thanks for asking, by the way.

Penny: Okay, I don’t need your attitude, just hold him there a little longer.

Howard: Look, I’ve done my best but he wants to go home and I don’t know how to stop him.

Penny: Okay, how about this. You keep him there a little longer and when you get to the party I’ll point out which of my friends are easy.

*Howard’s face freezes, his jaw agape and his eyes wide open. Penny checks her phone screen to see if Howard’s still there, then puts it back to her ear.*

Howard: Don’t toy with me, woman.

Penny: I’ve got a hot former fat girl with no self-esteem, I’ve got a girl who punishes her father by sleeping around and an alcoholic who’s two tequila shots away from letting you wear her like a hat.

Howard:(pauses, then smiles) Thy will be done. (Penny smiles and nods, then hangs up. Howard puts the phone away. He thinks for a moment. He reaches into his back pocket and finds the half a granola bar from earlier. He looks down at his groin.) I’m doing this for you, little buddy. (Takes a bite.)

Live long and prosper! 😀

(P.S. If you got yes right from the first clue, then go you, BBT geek!)

Big Bang Theory Quote of the Week!

Penny’s moment in the spotlight, and it’s EPIC!

Bernadette: Raj, you should’ve seen Leonard’s experiment. The interference pattern was so cool when the electron beam was on.

Leonard: I’m glad you enjoyed it. Most people aren’t that interested in what I do.

*Penny, halfway through taking another forkful of takeaway food, stops. Sheldon looks directly at her. Penny sits up.*

Penny: Actually, that’s not true, Leonard.

*Leonard looks at Penny.*

Penny: In fact, recently I’ve been thinking that given the parameters of your experiment, the transport of electrons through the aperture of the nano-fabricated metal rings is qualitatively no different than the experiment already conducted in the Netherlands.

*The gang are stunned. They stare at Penny, completely spellbound. Leonard’s flabbergasted. Sheldon smiles and nods.*

Penny: (continuing) Their observed phase shift in the diffusing electrons inside the metal ring already conclusively demonstrated the electric analogue of the Aharonov-Bohm quantum-interference effect.

*The room’s silent. The gang can’t believe it. Leonard’s amazed. Penny thinks for a moment.*

Penny: That’s it. That’s all I know……Oh, wait! (Pause) Fig Newtons were named after a town in Massachusetts, not the scientist.

N.B: This is from the 50th episode of the Big Bang Theory, and featured one of Sheldon’s most funniest catchphrases, “It’s a warm, summer evening in ancient Greece…”

Live long and prosper! 😀

Rajesh Ramayan Koothrappali

Poor Raj. It’s just absurd that the writers have given Sheldon, Leonard and Howard girlfriends, but not Raj (even though he was the closest to chatting up Summer Glau, and he’s better than Howard at chatting up a girl at a bar). It’s just cruel that even if Raj does get a girlfriend, he would be forever known as the guy who gets a girlfriend AFTER SHELDON COOPER. Oh, the humanities! Ahem, sorry, humiliation.

Sheldonshirts.com has a page full of BBT merchandise, including Soft Kitty pillows and hoodies and plush toys and mugs and more; Sheldon and Leonard plush toys; and bobble head figures of the gang. But there’s just one thing: Raj does not feature in any of those.

Raj didn’t even get a dignified first appearance or role in a joke in the pilot episode. While Sheldon showed the viewer just how geeky he is right from the first line, Leonard showed how terrible he is at talking to women, Howard got the viewer in hysterics right from his first appearance with his Hawking impression, and Penny revealed her love for steak (despite being a vegetarian), Raj just stayed silent (since he can’t talk to women), and he acted as Howard’s supporter and a minor character.

But then there came forth Lalita Gupta, and Raj finally got to do some jokes.

I really like Raj. I think he’s the best. But the merchandise manufacturers don’t seem to agree with me; I’ve looked through the BBT Tees on sheldonshirts.com and all I could find was a t-shirt with a picture of Raj on it, saying “Ladies Man” above him. The only other times Raj appeared was with Howard. He wasn’t even on a “___ for President t-shirt”.

Raj has got a brilliant personality. His constant use of “dude” in his dialect; his ever positive outlook on life; his light-hearted jokes and his genuinely interesting riddles; and his heart-breaking looks of pain as he tries (or fails) to talk to Penny always make Big Bang Theory episodes a joy to watch.

But that’s not to say Raj should be the main character; the other geeks are just fine: watching Sheldon try and fail to understand the world around him; seeing Leonard become befuddled at something that confuses him so much; cringing at Howard’s clearly desperately bad attempts at picking up Penny; and giggling at Penny become mentally exhausted at Sheldon’s geekily insane behaviour all also make Big Bang Theory episodes a joy to watch.

Live long and prosper, Raj!

Penny? Penny? Penny?

Poor Penny. Everything she’s been through, she deserves somebody far better than a geek who accidentally shoots himself in the foot at a shooting range (although I do like Leonard; he’s my second favourite character, Raj being first and Stuart being third).

From first impressions, she was nothing more than a lovely blonde Nebraskan with a peculiar taste of either stupid or ludricously muscular boyfriends, but also a good taste in Lily Allen (when we first see Penny in her apartment, she’s listening to Smile by Lily Allen). But then she let Sheldon get into her life, and from then on things would never be the same again.

He tidied up her ransacked apartment. He drove her mad every time he went into her car and said, “Your check engine light is on.” He showed Penny just how intolerable he can be when he’s sick. And that was just in Season One.

But these were all just short term. Thanks to the geeks, Penny was also affected long term: she was introduced to Howard; her ability to tolerate stupid boyfriends was destroyed by going out with Leonard; and she became a GEEK (she used the Star Trek term “raise the shields” in a non-geeky conversation with another woman, quoted Yoda from The Empire Strikes Back, and joined in with Sheldon when he talked of how Captain Kirk cheated in his fight against the Kobayashi Maru by reprogramming it (had to look it up on http://bigbangtrans.wordpress.com to find the name. I kinda cheated here as well, I guess).

On the other hand, the geeks didn’t really affect her life too badly. (The one person who DID do that was Leonard’s mother. Good thing she got her revenge on her by teaching her how to drink, which led to that unforgettable kiss…) They say that spending your life doing the same dull thing over and over again is not a good idea. Penny was doing just that before the geeks along. Then she suddenly found herself doing the most peculiar of activities: dating “The King of Nerds” three times (four if you include when Leonard got concussion while taking Penny out for a meal); becoming “Bessie” to the princess of nerds (complete with tiara), who suffers from night terrors, travel constipation, dry scalp, and a terrible choice in boyfriends; and giggling hysterically as she listens to Sheldon scream at Leonard, “No, you don’t screw the roommate agreement; the roommate agreement screws YOU!”

A post as useless as E4’s Useless Fact, I know it is. But there you go. This is just stuff. Good word: stuff.

Live long and prosper! 😀

Big Bang Theory Quote of the Week!

This week I present to you…Sheldon’s legendary speech…

Sheldon: Oh, dear.

Penny: What’s the matter?

Sheldon: I’m getting dizzy.

Raj: Don’t worry. You’re surrounded by your C-Men…

Sheldon: I can’t do this. I’m going to faint.

Penny: (handing Sheldon a glass of champagne) Here, drink this. It’ll relax you.

Sheldon: Alcohol? I don’t drink alcohol.

Penny: Fine, faint.

*Sheldon drinks from it.*

Sheldon: I don’t feel different, this alcohol’s defective.

Penny:(handing Sheldon another glass) Here, see if this one works.

*Sheldon swigs from it.*

Leonard (still talking): First of all, the projects were totally different! I was showing that classical music nurtures lima beans and makes them grow, but my mother didn’t hear me. If you’d like to look at the relationship between nurturing and growth, I’d like to point out that my brother is eight inches taller than me!!!!!

Sheldon:(drunkenlywaving a bottle of alcohol in the air and drinking from it) I’m reeeeeeaaaadyyyyyyyyyy!

Leonard:(restrained) Oh, right. Ladies and gentlemen, our guest of honour: Dr. Sheldon Cooper.

*Sheldon takes one last swig, leaps onto the stage and pushes Leonard away, seizing the microphone.*

Sheldon: Thanks, shorty, I’ll take it from here.

*Leonard sits.*

Sheldon: All right, you people ready to have some fun? You have a basic understanding of differential calculus and at least one year of algebraic topology? Well, then here come the jokes! Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? To get to the same side! Bazinga!

*The hall murmurs. Nobody laughs. People look confused. Sheldon continues.*

Sheldon: All right, a neutron walks into a bar and asks, how much for a drink? The bartender says, for you, no charge!

*Raj giggles hysterically under his breath. Leonard glares at him and he stops.*

Sheldon: (thumping the microphone) Hello? I know you’re out there. I can hear you metabolizing oxygen and expelling carbon dioxide. Looks like we have some academic dignitaries in the audience. Dr. Randall from the geology department, only man who’s happy when they take his work for granite. Ba-da cha!

*Dr Randall looks annoyed. People murmur louder. Few people laugh.*

Sheldon: I kid the geologists, of course, but it’s only ’cause I have no respect for the field……..But let’s get serious for a moment.

*He crouches down and leans against the podium, glaring at the audience. The gang stare back at him.*

Sheldon: Why are we all here? ‘Cause we’re scientists. And what do scientists study? The universe. And what’s the universe made of? I’m so glad you asked. (Singing) Theeeeereeeee’s antimony, arsenic, aluminium, selenium, and hydrogen and oxygen and nitrogen and rhenium, and nickel, neodymium, neptunium, germanium… Everybody! And iron, americium, ruthenium, uranium, europium, zirconium, lutetium, vanadium… Just the Asians! (Penny stares wide eyed as the murmuring increases even more.) And lanthanum and osmium, and astatine and radium…

Live long and prosper! 😀

When NASA Becomes NODLEHS

I just HAVE to post this!

I’m sure you were aware weeks ago when NASA successfully landed the Mars rover Curiosity, which apparently had one of the most complicated landing procedures ever. It was a tremendous accomplishment, which was unfortunately overshadowed by the London 2012 Olympic Games.

The Mars Curiosity team knew that they had made history, so they decided to celebrate. But what did they do? Go to Disneyland (and ride the Matterhorn)? Go to Disneyworld (and ride the Matterhorn)? Nope, but I think you know what I’m getting at.

Yup. The Mars Curiosity team did what most scientific people want to do after a big accomplishment: visit the Big Bang Theory set!

Here’s the proof:

Check out Raj’s jacket and Howard’s beard…and Amy’s arm in a SLING?????????? What the hell happened?

Oh. Well, according to Wikipedia, Mayim Bialik (the actress who plays Amy) injured her arm in a car accident about a week ago.

But anyway, I think the NASA team are pretty forgiving to be in the same room as Howard since he crashed the Mars Rover! And Sheldon’s in his spot (although cheeky Raj seems to be invading it a little)! 🙂

Jumping the Shark

At the end of Season 5 in the Big Bang Theory, everyone gathered in the living room as Howard blasted off in a Soyuz rocket. The series had moved on so quickly. Too quickly, perhaps: mega anti-social Sheldon now has a girlfriend called Amy; Howard, who could never find a wife no matter how many dates he went on, is married to Bernadette; Leonard and Penny almost got married, having started going out with each other for the third/fourth time; and Howard is no longer going to be eating takeaway food in the living room along with the gang, which has nearly doubled in size. Big Bang Theory has arguably reached it’s best-before date. The writers are running out of ideas. The characters have clearly changed since the first season.

There is an idiom for this kind of situation, and a peculiar one at that. It’s called “jumping the shark.”

The idiom refers to an episode from the 1970s US sitcom Happy Days, which revolved around a group of quintessential teenagers going through familiar adolescent and family experiences; specifically teenager Richie (played by the future director of The Grinch & The Da Vinci Code amongst many others, Ron Howard) and his friends.

The fifth season premiere in 1977 was the episode that gave birth to the idiom. In the episode, the teenagers visited LA, and the writers, for the first time, made a risk that many would say was a bad one; they brought forward a character that in the  earlier series had just been a minor character. His name was Arthur “Fonzie” Fonzarelli: the ultimate ladies man. With the power of his fists, he could make broken machines function again. With a snap of his fingers, girls’ heads would turn.

In the episode, Fonzie accepted a dare to go water-skiing in swimming trunks and his trademark leather jacket. But then came the first of many desperate gimmicks that the writers supposedly over-relied on just to keep the show running: he jumped right over a shark while water-skiing.

With that one action, Fonzie turned from a minor character to a major character. The viewers loved him. Countless stories were written exclusively for him. When Ron Howard’s directing career started to overpower his acting career, he was forced to leave the series (his character joined the US Army), and Fonzie was well and truly put in the spotlight.

The series started to rely more and more on gimmicks to grab the viewer’s attention. Fonzie became a bit of a superhuman. The series lasted for eleven seasons in total. More characters were introduced, and situations that the original characters would never participate in were introduced.

Every sitcom has a moment when it jumps the shark; when the writers run out of ideas; when it overly relies on gimmicks to stay watchable; when it decreases in quality; when it reaches its best-before date. And I’m starting to believe that this has happened to The Big Bang Theory. Or, at least, it’s going to happen.

The Big Bang Theory started out as a sitcom about four geeks who try and fail to be social; who make their next door neighbour Penny’s life unusual; who spend their evenings doing the most geeky of activities. Sheldon was so unhuman he might as well as be an alien; Leonard was a troubled man who could never ask his lover Penny out, no matter how hard he tried; Howard had no self-dignity and thought he was a ladies man, even though he’s not; Raj was a quintessential Indian who did not worry in the slightest about his waistline and had a bromance with Howard; and Penny was a woman who went out with stupid men and had a temper as short as Howard.

Now, look. Sheldon has become so human he expresses joy by laughing properly, or saying “Bully!” or “Hot darn!”, and he’s not even supposed to express joy EVER; Leonard has now dated Penny three or four times and has become far less geeky; Howard is MARRIED; Raj has a constant worry about his waistline and his bromance with Howard is breaking a bit; and Penny is now starting to become geeky, and is the leader of a clique of girls who weren’t even around in the first season.

Even when the writers introduced a new character — Amy Farrah Fowler: an ultra geeky girl with dandruff hair, no understanding of what to do in informal situations, and a life so bizarre that it borders on unimaginable — they let her become easily influenced by Penny, and by the end of the fifth season she had lost all her geeky traits and was well and truly human. The writers have introduced so many characters since the original six in the first episode. Some were good (Leslie Winkle, Amy, Bernadette); some were bad (Priya, President Siebert, Kripke). They did alright with the celebrity guests though (although they do sometimes class as gimmicks).

But the writers aren’t well and truly done for. Whenever they introduced situations that might just change the course of the series for good, they solved them, and we breathed a sigh of relief (examples include when Sheldon almost went out with Lalita “Panchali” Gupta, when Penny considered going back home to Nebraska, and when Raj slept with Penny). Season five may have been, for me, the worst season, but that doesn’t mean the writers didn’t churn out top-quality mincemeat; there really were some epic episodes: Raj falling in love with Siri, Penny taking possession of an armchair with a nasty surprise in it, and Amy’s reaction when she saw what piece of jewellery Sheldon had bought for her.

I don’t have very high expectations for when Season 6 is aired in a couple of months’ time (or, for the US, in a month’s time), but I’m sure that I will still be laughing when it does. Some of the past gimmicks have also been a riot, even if the writers did introduce them just to keep our interest. If the series has well and truly jumped the shark, I’m certain many of us don’t care. And why should we?

I do sincerely hope that Big Bang Theory lives long and prospers! 😀

Good News Everyone!

I have just managed to finish my Big Bang Theory script!

Turns out that I might have got a bit carried away when I wrote it, cos when I acted it out, it was in fact about episode length, and on MS Word it was about 14 pages long.

There are many moments in the script that I am proud of, and I am very happy of the result. Considering I wrote this by myself (with some help from other people), I don’t have a very good scientific knowledge, and writing jokes that are actually funny is pretty tough work, I think that I was successful in this bold challenge.

I know that reading a transcript is not as good as actually watching it being acted out, but I think Sheldon would say here that it’s in fact better, for when we read a transcript, we are using the most powerful graphics chip known to man: imagination! And he’s right, for I’m sure our imaginations have come up with some pretty unsettling images of Howard’s mother that not even state-of-the-art graphics chips or top quality Hollywood make-up can compete with, let alone create successfully!

To read the episode transcript, click on the Page Box above entitled “The Dumbass Conjecture” and enjoy!

Live long and prosper! 😀

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