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2012 In A Nutshell

Gotye confused but excelled with his cubist video.

Call Me Maybe knew that this was crazy, but buy me maybe.

Harry Hill bid us goodbye.

Viewers cringed at the Jubilee Thames pageant on TV.

Grace Jones showed the Queen how to be a hula-hooping Slave to the Rhythm.

Britain cried with Andy Murray.

People groaned at Danny Boyle.

People then praised Danny Boyle.

Britain cheered and cried with Andy Murray.

The Paralympic ceremonies confused others but surprised me.

The world went Oppa Gangnam Style!

It was decided that Anything Could Happen.

We let the Skyfall when we crumble.

Doctor Who brought people to their knees and behind the sofa.

The world didn’t end after all.

RECENTLY THIS YEAR:

Steven Hawking revealed his hatred of the Go Compare man…

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Strictly Goes Smokin’!

This year, Strictly has had the greatest celebrity line up ever, Alesha has finally been replaced by a proper professional dancing judge, and my geeky grin has emerged many times during the series — Dani Harmer danced on a Pac-Man arena with Pac-Man eating ghosts on the background screen last week. And then came this week’s Hollywood special. To paraphrase that line from Dirty Dancing, this week, I had the time of my life watching Strictly.

I’m sure many people would say that the Dirty Dancing dance was the highlight of the series; it predictably but deservedly received the longest standing ovation of the series, and was clearly saved till last on purpose. But I would strongly beg to differ.

There was Fern Britton dancing to Supercalafridgalisticexpialdocious [looked it up and found that it was Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious]. There was the Full Monty dance, with some good ol’ Hot Stuff by Donna Summer in the background, although I think I speak for every Strictly viewer when I say I was cowering against the sofa and praying that they wouldn’t actually do the Full Monty for real. There was Denise Van Outen’s Toy Story dance, which I sang along to as nostalgic goosebumps shivered up my arms and I pondered why “Jessie” wasn’t wearing her cowgirl hat and jacket. There was the Bond dance (hands up all those who cringed at “You only lift twice.” Yup. Enough hands to hold up the moon).

And then there came the real highlight: the Mask dance. As soon as I heard the tune during a brief watch of It Takes Two, I knew that this was going to be the dance of the night. And I wasn’t wrong. Nicky Byrne did Jim Carrey justice, behaving almost exactly like him. The dance was, to paraphrase Star Trek, energised. And they remembered to add the “SMOKIN’!” at the end (I said it at the same time). Best of all, Nicky didn’t even need to wear false teeth to do the Mask grin. I love The Mask, and seeing it on Strictly just made my day.

Poor Craig, though. Poor Craig the tin man without a heart. It’s a complete DIS-ARS-TER, darling! 😀

Bring on Strictly Does Halloween!

It’s The End

Well. That’s it. Like clever putty, London has reshaped itself into it’s dull form. The Olympics have gone to Rio.

The opening ceremony was astonishing. How much pressure was put onto the closing ceremony organiser’s shoulders is unimaginable. But instead of creating a rival ceremony, he wisely did a different kind of ceremony: a mish-mash of Britain’s best beats.

Jessie J. John Lennon. Elbow. Madness (fresh from the Queen’s jubilee). The Pet Shop Boys. ELO. Fatboy Slim. Muse. Russell Brand. The Spice Girls. And tributes to The Beatles, Queen and the Bee Gees. These were just some of the bands and singers and DJs playing at the closing ceremony (my personal favourites).

The opening ceremony was full of mesmerizingly memorable moments: James Bond and Queenie parachuting out of a helicopter; the return of Mr Bean; and, of course, the breath-takingly remarkable Olympic cauldron! But the closing ceremony was chock-a-block with its own moments. Who can forget Russell Brand making a surprise visit on a Willy Wonka bus? Who can ever forget Fatboy Slim riding a GINORMOUS INFLATABLE OCTOPUS (which came out of the bus)? Who can ever, ever forget beaming like a halo as Eric Idle’s head pops out of a pit and starts singing Always Look on the Bright Side of Life? And who can ever, ever, ever forget giggling like a hyena at the sight of David Cameron and Boris “Bushy” Johnson boogying like dads to the Spice Girls?

Good old Boris Johnson. Who doesn’t love him! Stuck in the middle of a great big zipwire, 20 feet from the ground, he grins and says, “This is great fun, but it needs to go faster,” as onlookers frantically photo him with their phones; during a post-Olympics press conference, upon request, Boris joyfully does the “Mobot” (and also kind-heartedly says that he does not want to be PM); and always talking in a kind, croaky voice, always with a sense of humour that’s so childish for a boring old politician, and hair that’s far too poofy for a dull, formal job. He has no sense of dignity, and a heart-warming sense of humour, and that’s why we love him.

It was a real shame that neither the Queen nor the Duke of Edinburgh turned up; they really missed out on a cracker of a ceremony! Madness making another return put a smile on my face (especially with the saxophonist in a harness). The Pet Shop Boys’ unusual sense of style was particularly interesting. It was a bit of a shame that Spellbound performed instead of Diversity (who I know would make full use of the stadium in their performance). Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody starting off the main portion of the ceremony had me clapping and laughing like a monkey (as did Lennon’s face appearing in the form of a white 3D puzzle as Imagine played). Russell Brand was fun and bubbly as always, performing the ‘Bolt’ and the ‘Mobot’ while suitably singing Wonka’s wacky song Pure Imagination. The giant octopus I possibly mentioned before was mental enough for me. Jessie J was fun to listen to as always. And I can’t complain about the Spice Girls if they made the PM and the Mayor of London dance like a pair of dads. And the human cannonball Eric Idle singing Always Look On The Bright Side of Liff Life…need I say more?

Jessie J taking Freddie Mercury’s place was, for me, perhaps a little bit too risky. Freddie Mercury was one of the greatest singers of all time, and having somebody replace him might be a bit too bold for some. However, I think Jessie J did a good job of it, and her voice is fairly similiar to Mercury’s, and it’s good that Queen have finally, after all these years, got a (temporary) female member.

Watching the extinguishing of the Olympic cauldron was a particularly sad moment for me. It was as if a dandelion was dying as the copper kettles — the dandelion seeds — flowered and then went out, as if a wind was blowing them away across the wilderness. And, as the last extravaganza of fireworks died away, so did the joy and excitement and hope that the Olympics brought to London.

The Olympics

The Olympics. Big topic. Where to start is pretty hard. Being able to start in a way that’s not boring is much harder. So I guess I’d better start big.

The opening ceremony. Even I was a bit dubious by all the “This will beat the Beijing Olympics Opening Ceremony” talk that was going around. I saw an annotated image of how the stadium would look during the ceremony. The biggest things it had to boast were sheep, a giant tree, mosh pits, ducks in a pond, artificial clouds and grass. It said it was supposed to represent England in its rural form.

That’s it? That’s all Danny Boyle set up in answer to China’s extravaganza? (Although it did heavily rely on CGI and lip syncing.) I was a bit shocked. I know people out there with heavily creative minds would dig deep into that picture and see oodles of creative genius from the Oscar-winning film director. I did a little, but I was still a little put off.

Then I saw it. And I loved it.

I love a bit of history, and the way it was conveyed at the start. And there’s nothing more I like than a bit of Jerusalem being sung. When Brunel came in, and the countryside was stripped, and the drumming music started, every thought of how the ceremony would be a load of tosh was eradicated. But it just kept getting better.

Happy and Glorious in particular. James Bond in Buckingham Palace? Bond escorting Queenie? QUEENIE PARACHUTING? You can’t get any more flabbergasting than that!

The arrival of Mr. Bean brought a smile to my face. Even though it has been confirmed that will never be another Mr Bean episode or film in the future, it was good that he came back for just five minutes. And since those five minutes were during the Olympic Ceremony, NICE! Mr Bean re-enacting the famous Chariots of Fire beach scene was particularly interesting!

Then came the monsters. And the Child Catcher. AND A GINORMOUS LORD VOLDEMORT! And Mike Oldfield — an excellent musician who I quite like. THEN CAME THE OLYMPIC CAULDRON. What are those copper kettles for? Where’s the cauldron? What’s that flower they’re just lighting? Why are the flames spreading? Why are the kettles bunching together? What is — OH! MY! GOD!

I haven’t seen much of the Olympics yet. I’ve only heard about it through news updates (such as the unfortunate event of Tom Daley and his partner coming 4th). I saw a bit of Gymnastics a few days ago, where I saw the Chinese and Russians and Americans somersault over a vault and do a triple drill roll through the air at 45 degrees before landing perfectly on their feet. I also saw gymnasts hanging from bars swing round it in circles, temporarily gripping the bar with one hand, or letting go of it to do a double spin in the air, or just swinging from it like a super monkey.

There’s so much more to come: Usain Bolt in the 100m sprint, the rowing (or have I missed it?), the closing ceremony and more. The only off-putting things about the Olympics are the choices of events to watch when you have other things to do, and the fact that the events go on for hours every day. Ignore all the insults and accusations and stories in the news about the inadequate planning.

The London 2012 Olympics is going strong.

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