Monthly Archives: February, 2012

Outnumbered

Outnumbered is one AMAZING sitcom. In fact, there’s not a single sitcom I’ve heard of that doesn’t have at least one positively happy proton in it’s atoms. Big Bang Theory, The Good Life, the list goes on! But what makes Outnumbered stand out are the three children, and their poor parents undergoing second hell.

Karen, a ten year old girl and the youngest of the children, is without a shadow of a doubt the funniest of the bunch. Over the four series, she played an interesting game of I-Spy (“I give up” “It’s time” “Darling, you can’t see time!” “But it’s asked every day! ‘Have you seen the time?‘), surprised Mum by choosing to go to the shopping centre on a day trip, made the bride at a wedding have a nervous breakdown and got herself deliberately locked in the toilet. She also has an exceptional habit of making cold callers go to their door, talk to Karen, and never ever return.

Ben is twelve years old, and the most immature, hyperactive, uncontrollable child in the universe. He had an exceptionally long quiz about Christianity with a priest, is a regular patient at the local hospital, and is know for putting slices of pizza down the sofa.

Jake is fifteen years old, and the sanest of the lot (although under the influence of caffeine, he can say at the deposit booth at an airport: “I’m sorry, I don’t require anything today, but I think my friend DNYA MIGHT!”).

But the main reason why I’m doing this post on Outnumbered is because it gave me the title of this blog!

Dad:Did you get the cappucino?

Jake:Yeah. I ordered two.

Two? You ordered one for yourself?

Don’t panic. I only drank half.

Oh. OK.

Ben drank the other half.

YOU LET BEN DRINK HALF A CAPPUCINO?!!

Ben: At first I didn’t feel a thing, but then I added two spoonfuls of sugar, and now I’m feeling zingy zangy zongy!

Zingy zangy zongy?

Yeah.

OK. Great.

Outnumbered is EPIC!

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Sky & Sunny

This post is all about the two greatest animals in the whole of existence (excluding unicorns, dragons and toucans): My two pet budgies Sky and Sunny.

When Sky was first seen in a cuboid bird cage full of other budgies, as soon as he saw Mum, he immediately bounded over the perches so that he was right up close to the bars. He frequently cocked his head to one side and examined every detail of this human face. What’s this sprouting out its head? Hair? Odd. And what’s that protruding out of its face? A nose? But it’s nostrils are hidden! And it’s the same colour as it’s…………..What’s this? A bird without feathers? What? SKIN?  Just one look at those deep black eyes and he was bought on the spot (not literally, of course). And I’m sure Sky was happy as well (over the moon if Sky was actually a scientist — experiments galore!……….now there’s an interesting thought…….).

The moment I entered the living room after school, there was a white cage on a table by the TV. Inside, crouching timidly on the floor with it’s food beside it, was a small budgie with a tummy that looked like the sky (light blue with white splodges), tiny black eyes that just seemed to cry “Pet me!” and an adorable orange beak nibbling away cautiously on seed.

It was obvious what we would call him. I suggested “Fluffy”. Which was not obvious. Sky was suggested. That was obvious. So Sky became Sky.

What I liked about Sky was how whenever you were whistling/singing/talking he would jump suddenly so that he would cling onto the bars of the cage with his tummy exposed. Two words: Soppy…date!

Sunny was found in the same pet shop as Sky, years later. I found him this time. He was sitting hunched up against a wall, the other birds flapping over him, their talons deliberately swiping against his head, their beaks brandished (ready to peck him). It was obvious he was getting bullied. We considered getting him. We realised he was Sky’s cousin. We bought him.

Sunny had a dark blue tummy with white splodges, and had black splodges round his “beard”/neck, almost like he was wearing a black bead necklace. He, metaphorically, had eyes bigger than teacups, staring in a petrified way at everything.

On the way back, Sunny was kept in a small cardboard box with holes punched into it. We could constantly hear scraping and scratching as Sunny constantly panicked at the bumps the car was running over and the speed at which it was going. Even when we tried to calm Sunny, he just panicked the whole journey back.

We don’t know whether it was because of the shop assistant who was responsible for clipping the wing, or whether it was because of how Sunny was born, or whether it was because of the other budgies bullying him, but Sunny’s wing never grew properly. So while Sky merrily flapped with it’s long, outstretched wings around the room, Sunny would just clonk onto the floor, desperately flapping his broken wings during the descent. Several times he crashed into furniture, and his beak would start bleeding. Even now, he still tries his hardest to fly, but he just can’t. Sad.

I can hear them now as I type. Whistling and cawing and screeching and squawking. We knew we would need earmuffs as soon as Sunny found his voice. Sky is one loud squawker, and Sunny takes after him. What’s most annoying when the budgies start their “rant” is when Sky does his imitation of our microwave: “Beep beep beep!!!!!!!!!”

But Sky and Sunny are cute. Quite cute. Really cute. Very cute. Exceptionally cute. Too cute for words. Just stare into their big black eyes, and you feel like you’re undergoing hypnosis: “Feed me. Love me as well, but FEED ME FIRST.” Well, Sky’s eyes seem to say that (no offence, Sky). Sunny’s eyes just seem to say, “Don’t scare me like that! Sky! Help me! Go away, human! Please!” Poor Sunny. But the cutest thing about Sky and Sunny is the way they preen. The way they duck under their wing and make tiny scratching noises as they clean their feathers. How they rub their face against a ladder, and then sneeze: “T!” How they bring their talons up, scratch quickly round their “beard”, and then yawn. And when they preen each other…Ahhh!

Sky and Sunny are also quite civilised; they have breakfast, lunch and dinner at the same time as us…most of the time!

They also seem to find, like most budgies, that standing on one foot is extremely comfortable! In fact, that’s how they sleep: On one foot, with their head under their wing!

Budgies are the greatest animals in the world (except unicorns et al)! Fact! And Sky and Sunny are no exception.

P.S. If you read this entire flippingly long post, I congratulate you, and award you a pat on the back and a ginormous virtual trophy.

Noel Fielding’s Luxury Comedy

On what show do you find a chocolate finger who’s actually a soldier who’s got shell shock who believes he’s a PE teacher and plays swingball in a skirt to relive playing swingball with his wife?

Or a yellow-faced New York police officer who has two talking knife wounds that helped him solve every case?

Or a snake that resembles a spoon made of green paper who says nothing but, “Am IIIIIIIIIIII noooooooothing?”?

Or a Scottish boy made of clay who has legs as high as two double-decker buses?

Or two aliens that talk in Gibberish, have the ability to make flowerpots bounce, travel through space in a rocket covered with flowery wallpaper, and fall in love with a woman with a muddy face and antlers poking out of her hair (with football cards hanging by wire from them)?

Or a masked man who has a grand prix track in his huge hair?

Or mountains that hate this show so much that they just sit and tut at it?

Here’s a clue: the show is mentioned somewhere in the title.

But what about Noel Fielding? What’s he like? Well in a nutshell, his cleaner is Andy Warhol, he lives in a treehouse in a red and blue jungle, and he is responsible for a drawing of Pele holding a cup of tea and kicking a white circle (is the circle a football or the saucer for the teacup) and the latest form of transport: travelling by television.

This post doesn’t do the program justice. The show is visually demented, and verbally describing it doesn’t fully show just how deranged it really is! I also might have missed some essential characters out. WATCH THE SHOW ON 40D!

Random Post

For this post, just for the halibut, I’m going to talk entirely in Big Bang Theory quotes.

 Penny. Penny. Penny.

What up, buttercup?

Penny. I’m a physicist. I have a working knowledge of everything that exists in the universe.

What’s Radiohead?

(twitching, then) I have a working knowledge of everything important that exists in the universe

[door slams]

Penny! Penny! Penny!

What’s the word, hummingbird…Oh NO! Are all the machines TAKEN?

Not to worry. I’ll just wait another night.

Well, you could. But deep down you’ll know that laundry night will always be SATURDAY night!

Lady, you are dealing with things way beyond your ken!

Yeah, well your ken can kiss my barbie!

[door slams]

Raj (from Sheldon’s flat): Look at this! A tribute to Zoot! Sounds like a hoot!

[enter Howard. Sheldon argue about whether or not Wolverine was born with actual bones]

Howard: But Sheldon, that’s where you’re wrong!

Howard, you know me as a very intelligent person. Don’t you think if I’m wrong, I’d know it?

B-wh-th-b-you’re insane!

I’m not insane. My mother had me tested!

Raj: Well, we’ll all remember the night the heat went out…

[Deathly silence]

Can anyone make a weirder post? Apart from lifesabowlofinnuendos, who has done about 42 posts that are 50 times weirder than this one?

Tetanus Jab

That’s what I had today. Without warning…kind of. I had forgotten it was on today. Luckily I had breakfast. Rumbling stomach (YES I know it’s actually your intestines that rumble) + Tetanus jab = VERY BAD

On the school site, a friend asked out of curiosity when the injection took place. I’d forgotten, but since it wasn’t mentioned in the Link (the School newsletter) last term, I figured it was next week. I was wrong. It was the first thing they mentioned when I reached the wooden bench: You do know we have our jabs today?

Crud.

My heart pounded. That was expected.

I remembered the golden rules: Stay calm, don’t flinch, look straight ahead and DON’T FAINT (it will put you in a coma…apparently).

Halfway through the first lesson, half the year was taken out to the hall. I signed in, took my form, and sat on a bench in the main hall. My jumper was up, just as the nurse had requested when we were informed about the injection last term.

I was worried.

Of course I was worried.

Even the most optimistic of people get worried a bit sometimes…don’t they?

I was at the end of the bench in a matter of minutes.

A kind lady with glasses and a beaming smile called me over. She didn’t even look like she was thinking, “Groan. ANOTHER Year 10 child. I hate interacting with them. I was NEVER a child!” She seemed the complete opposite. She got to know me quite quickly. She was extremely friendly, listened to everything I said, and was very comforting. She even joked that I should look brave, because my friends were watching. They in fact were, so I gave a “brave” thumbs up.

A cotton bud was placed on my upper arm, presumably with alcohol for sterilisation.

Then I felt a pinching prick.

All the while the nurse kept talking.

I thought the prick was from the alcohol.

But it wasn’t.

It was the jab.

It was over in two seconds.

“That’s it?!”

“Yup.”

“Oh. Wow. Great!”

She wished me luck in becoming an author (in her words, she told me she looked forward to me becoming the new J.K.Rowling). I said thanks and left.

My arm didn’t feel at all cramped.

Until the fourth lesson.

Then my arm felt like it was being pinched by a giant jagged claw.

It ached.

Why did it take so long to hurt?

It’s a mystery that will never be solved.

Until now?

No. Damn.

Question Time!

I’d like to give a BIG THANK YOU to lifesabowlofinnuendos for suggesting this post. I have skipped the questions about clothing because I don’t really don’t find clothes extremely important…well of course we NEED clothing but I don’t like going on clothing shopping sprees.

1.What is your favourite colour?

Blue. Dark Blue.

2. What is your favourite book?

Oo, that’s a tricky one! Um……probably……..The Fire Within by Chris D’Lacey. Or Fergus Crane by Paul Stewart and Chris Riddell. Or the Boy in the Striped Pyjamas by John Boyne. No, actually, it’s HOW TO BREAK A DRAGON’S HEART by Cressida Cowell!

3.What book are you reading at the moment?

Of Mice and Men (in preparation for what we are next doing in English, after Romeo and Juliet)

4. What film are you most looking forward to seeing?

The Woman in Black. I have horrible yet amazing memories of when I saw the play.

5. What are you doing right now?

Creating Revision Cards for a History Test. And doing this post. And revising on SAM Learning.

6. How long to do you think you’ll be doing it for?

All together? Until the end of half term.

7. Why are you doing it?

This post? I’ve been requested to blog as much as possible, and I agree. The rest? GOOD GRADES of course!

8. How do you think humans will become extinct?

NOT THIS YEAR!!!!!!!!!!! Humans will become extinct when the sun becomes too close.

9. Describe a perfect day.

School day? Lots of History lessons! And being with a group of geeks. Normal day @ home? Playing Legend of Zelda, watching Big Bang Theory et al and eating pasta for lunch and dinner. Also maybe doodling and writing stories.

12. What are your feeling on unicorns?

There are so many undiscovered species on this Earth that there is a highly probable, if not definite chance, unicorns exist. If they do……………………….YAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

13. What is the most embarassing song you like?

Annoying? Masterchef Synthesisia. Embarassing? ANYTHING by Monty Python (Lumberjack, for example)

14. What’s your favourite TV show?

Another hard question. Big Bang Theory/Noel Fielding’s Luxury Comedy/Inbetweeners

15. Do you know what DFTBA means?

No. If I find out what the answer is, I’ll bet I’ll just scream and scream and scream.

16. Out of 10 how much of a geek would you say you are?

7.5

17. Out of 10 how random is this quiz?

50-12

Now for an extra question of my own!

18. How would I describe, in one word, lifesabowlofinnuendos?

Kooky

Zoe

This time, by request, it’s Zoe!

The first time I knew about her was in Year 9. Well, EVERYBODY knew about her in my English Class. She was “The-Girl-who-couldn’t-do-paragraphs-for-10kg-of-chocolate.” When we split up into groups, and each had to design a theme park, she was the co-Park Designer. The first thing I learnt about her was that she was a honkingly huge Twilight fan. She has read every book AND the illustrated guide more than once (and has done many other Twilight-based achievements, including a rather long analysis on one of the characters…). ANYBODY who tells her of their extreme dislike of Twilight is met with an unpleasant surprise…

Another nickname for Zoe is “The-Girl-with-the-petrifyingly-scary-laugh” It’s a marmite laugh. Some can bear with it or even like it. Others stay a mile away from her. Others just tell her pleadingly to breath (because she hiccups/honks/suffocates while she laughs).

There are many things that Zoe and I like. Firstly, we both like the Inbetweeners (the only difference is that she’s seen all the episodes, and I haven’t). Second, we like quoting asdf movie (A LOT). Thirdly……….um…………….oh, yeah! We both like writing. And finally, like every other citizen on this spinning ball we call Earth (at least, I hope), chocolate we like! Well, Zoe doesn’t like chocolate. She’s addicted to it. It’s her kryptonite. She lives and breathes on it (mmm…chocolate breath…..I wonder if there’s a machine that could turn carbon dioxide emitted from the mouth into bars of Galaxy…). Hold out a piece of chocolate at her, it will be in her stomach faster than you can say, “Curlywurly with a cherry on top!”

Now, like any author, at this point I would check over what I’ve written. But…ha ha ha! I can’t read!

Hold on, there’s someone at the door. Oh, it’s Mr Smith (oh yeah. Zoe is a MEGA MEGA MEGA MEGA MEGA MEGA MEGA MEGA MEGA Doctor Who fan). Hello, Mr Smith! What do you have for me?

I baked you a pie!

Oh boy! What flavour?

Pie flavour.

[screechingly loud electric guitar note, as a pie pops out of the big pie]

[Door slams shut]

Now, who’s next then?

JJ

By reasonably popular demand, I have been asked to do a post on a friend of mine. I’m starting off with JJ.

When I first met JJ, he was still on crutches, having just been knocked down by a car. He always used to lash out (jokingly) at me with them, and chase me around the quad, his crutches whirling. But this was all done jokingly. I have positively no idea how I got to know him better. Isn’t it weird how the moment you and another person finally get to know each other is ALWAYS FORGOTTEN?!

JJ is friendly, yet sometimes he drives me up the wall, across the ceiling and into space. He constantly steals my things, he used to “zap” me everyday (I now take that role) and he is HIGHLY INNUENDOUS. Yet he’s a good friend. Weirdly 😀

He’s a big gamer too. And a GINORMOUS Playstation fan (he has every PS console). His love of PS is sometimes put into many heated debates (Nintendo or Sony?). He also seems to be “magnetic” to keyboards, since he always smacks his hand down on the keys whenever someone’s working, causing the screen to change.

But the most important thing about JJ is that he has an EPIC laugh. Only two people I know (the second of which shall remain anonymous. She knows who it is. It sounds like the Joker suffocating, and gulping down ten gallons of water at the same time. She also laughs at her own laugh.) have a brilliant laugh. Which is annoying, because my laugh apparently creeps everybody out. A lot.

There you go, JJ! A post for you! Now who will I talk about next…?

Big Bang Theory

#Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state, then nearly fourteen billion years ago expansion started – WAIT!

#The earth began to cool, the autotrophs began to drool, neanderthals developed tools, we builtt the wall, we built the pyramids, math, science, history, unravelling the mystery, it all started with the big bang…BANG!#

The Theme Song to the Big Bang Theory: the greatest sitcom EVER.

Its characters: Sheldon, Leonard, Howard, Raj…

Sheldon Cooper is the geekiest geek from geek land, and creator of the infamous Roommate Agreement (whoever is part of the roommate agreement is able join Sheldon if he discovers a time machine, or will be free if Sheldon becomes a zombie (perish the thought)).

Leonard Hoftstadter is Sheldon’s roommate, and is lactose intolerant, can’t process corn, allergic to gluten, and whose first date was a North Korean spy who defected to North Korea “to mend her broken heart”.

Howard Wolowitz is the only geek in the group to not have a Ph.D. He has a Masters degree in Engineering. Every girl he encounters either spits in his eye, tries to blow up his mind with her brain, or just stares at him creepily. Oh, did I also mention he lives with his mother, who has to cut up his food for him, and who he has to pamper for everyday?

Rajesh Koothrapali is an Indian, who can’t talk to woman unless he’s drunk. He’s also the most immature, and that’s why I like him! He also has a homosexual relationship with Howard that he has no idea about…

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